Seniors Forget About Halloween

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 31ST. On what would most likely be the spookiest day of the year, ghouls, zombies, and scariest of all, Former Assistant Principal of Family Affairs and Student Engagement and Current Assistant Principal of Safety, Security, Student Affairs, Health, and Physical Education Brian Moran roamed the streets of Tribeca.

However, despite the particularly frightening transformation of Stuyvesant High School’s student body, one group was distinctly normal. After a long week of desperate procrastination and sleepless nights full of League of Legends, the seniors were suffering from symptoms of first stage senioritis. Unfortunately, their horrors had just begun; they had less than 24 hours to complete their college applications or else they would die.

After receiving his daily fix of caffeine from the breakfast cart, senior Anthony Guan blinked, confused by the mob of supernatural creatures and cats in front of him. “Oh no, I knew I should have kept going to church,” Guan whispered, his face white as he stared into the back of the Devil. “Hold up, I need some more coffee,” he decided. The stimulatory drug, however, did little to clear Guan’s fears of the sudden invasion by supernatural creatures, which, unbeknownst to him, were being repeated in the minds of every senior heading to school that morning.

Seniors all around the school had forgotten about Halloween after being so swamped with work, and were consequently frightened for their lives. “I walked into AP Gov an-and Ms. Siegel had turned into Bloody Mary! She grinned at me with bloodstained teeth and I was out of that room immediately,” a senior cried hysterically. “I tried to see my guidance counselor, but she had become an incarnation of Satan too!” The entire day was filled with screams and shouts of terror as seniors seeked refuge from the deadly monsters now plaguing the school. Because all their teachers had been replaced with monsters, they took the situation as a valid excuse to cut.

“I wonder where the real Polazzo went,” voiced a worried senior. “That beardless man must’ve kidnapped him and took his place!”

The security guards tried to instill order, but had, for the first year ever, decided to forgo their traditional uniforms to do a group vampire costume. Every time they chased down a senior, trying to bring them back to class, they were sprayed with garlic cloves and fountain water, and thrust upon with crosses, all generously donated by the Stuyvesant Anti-Vampire Club. Senior Adam Abbas converted a NERF gun that he bravely confiscated from Moran into a pencil stake shooter, but never used it since he had barricaded himself in the Robotics room anyway.

The underclassmen, though confused, took advantage of the situation by frightening seniors to the point of utter terror, only releasing them after extracting confidential school secrets, such as the location of the 11th floor pool. The administration, however, was not happy with the occurrence. Principal Eric Contreras, dressed as the “It” clown, expressed his frustration: “I thought clowns were supposed to be funny, so why is everyone running away from me?” The attendance office was especially annoyed after receiving 800 class excuse notices the following morning, citing “a demonic invasion of the supernatural.”