We Dropped Out of Science Olympiad. Here’s Why.

Dear Stuyvesant Science Olympiad EBoard, 

Thank you for your interest in Erin Cho, Christian Kim, and Brandon Hu. 

After careful consideration of our experience on the Science Olympiad team, we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer ourselves a continued interest in competing in the 2025-2026 season. Yes, you read that right: we have elected to refer to ourselves in the third person. “Narcissistic” and “self-absorbed,” the haters may protest—but after enduring much cruel and unusual punishment, we have concluded that someone, even if it must be ourselves, ought to afford us the inalienable right of respect. To prove this suffering, let Facts be submitted to a candid world. 

Our first qualm concerns the choice of merchandise color schemes. After the elegant 2023-2024 choice of lavender, we anticipated a dapper hue to follow. This left the Board with many options, such as a juicy glucose-synthesizing chlorophyll green or an impassioned Forensics powder ivory. Imagine our horror when a cheerful [IMP] APPAREL ORDERING message reached our inboxes, and, upon spamming its accompanying link, a glaring, gorilla-sized turd materialized on our screens. Or, as we only were able to realize from the label “Stuyvesant High School” slapped on the front, it was the repulsive hoodie that we were expected to flex while asserting dominance over our greatest rivals. While we are an inclusive community that welcomes diverse perspectives, the mere fact that such a palette was proposed—let alone that four out of five members with fully functional brains voted in favor of the fecal matter and claimed that it was a chic vision of “pastel beige”—is, quite frankly, inexcusable. Although we attempted to swallow this hit to our dignity, the doo-doo was too cuckoo for us to ever get past.
Another polar-izing issue with which we cannot reconcile is the entire Chemistry Department. Though the outside world only gets to see the beautifully vast number of Stuy SciOly chemistry medals racked up from every competition imaginable, they would be horrified to see what goes down (bad) behind the scenes. From glassware shattering every five minutes to the very purposeful combustion reaction that was the tragic February 5 trash can fire (the perpetrators claim it was an accident, but that noob behavior is only believable from Staten Island Tech), we fear that we will be caught in the crossfire of another broken safety guideline (if they ever existed in the first place). Beyond safety, we also question the health guidelines that the chemistry division abides by. From their frequent burning of fibers and powders to practicing their qualitative analysis for the forensics event, we fear running the numbers on the sheer amount of greenhouse gases that they release into the atmosphere every season. FYI, Environmental Chemistry was a literal event in the past, so you would think that they would know how to best protect the environment from dangerous chemicals, not be the ones releasing them… For the particular event of Materials Science, the Chemistry department is tasked with creating small concrete pucks to bring to competitions. However, the container that they use to mix the ingredients always reeks of minced garlic (and rumor has it, the container was originally a fermenting dish for garlic that the event leader brought in one day). Considering the pungency of the container, we would not be surprised if the Materials Science event leader snacked on the garlic-infused concrete pucks, fueling our health concerns with the chemistry department. Furthermore, an unspoken ethical issue is Chem SciOly’s exploitation of minors to package laboratory boxes prior to competitions. Disregard the fact that captains and event leaders ordering this forceful usage of minors are minors themselves. As victims of this back-breaking labor, we urge the other members of the chemistry division to rise against the “captains.” Workingmen of all divisions, unite! We proletarians have nothing to lose but our chains. We have a world to win. 

The final straw was our lack of alimentation during competition. Though we believed our dedication to paper tests would reward us with whatever food we pleased, we were left disappointed at the Nationals competition. Our tradition of attending a dinner at Olive Garden the night after the awards ceremony is inscribed in the SciOly Constitution. We spent weeks salivating over dreams of unlimited breadsticks and free dessert for a totally legitimate “birthday.” Chicken Alfredo or a six-oz. Sirloin is heavenly when the only other option we have is heart-shaped chicken nuggets at Wendy’s. Give us Olive Garden, or give us death! Furthermore, we did not have adequate amounts of the molecule consisting of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom available to us. When everybody contracted the SciOly Nats Virus (SNV™) and searched for water, we were left with our throats dry. Going up an elevator nine floors to find the box empty of water breaks your heart. The SNV™'s symptoms include losing your mind (literally), increasing proneness to forgetting calculators to tests, worsening coughs, and an alarming spike in tardiness to award ceremonies. Our consistent trips to Walmart did not bring back refreshing liquids. They only brought back cancer-causing chips and diabetes-inducing juice. Day by day, our coughs got progressively drier. 

A quick break to recall our Constitutional Rights: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all SciOly members (except Inquiry and Tech) are created equal, that we have certain unalienable Rights, among these are Life, Liberty, and Olive Garden. Unfortunately, as this letter makes clear, this Science Olympiad team has denied us these unalienable rights.

In lieu of the Science Olympiad, we have decided to join the Stuyvesant Robotics team, where all robots are created equal. After experiencing just two weeks of the Robotics lab, we have concluded that their fancy-schmancy $1 million facility is far superior to that of Science Olympiad. The Robotics Lab is filled with machines, equipment, and space to work. On the other hand, the Innovation Lab consists of tools, comfy sofas, and a few small machines. We have no knowledge about Robotics, but we can assume it will be better than SciOly. For the 2025-2026 season, we cannot wait to meet new Robotics people and continue to see those we are already familiar with. Good riddance to SciOly! It is our dream. As Mahir Hossain (deceased) says, “Success is not an option, it is an obligation.” 

With love and all things skibaddie,

Erin Cho (optical illusion), Christian Kim (pre-super senior), Brandon Hu (future chem dictator)

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