Which Italian Brainrot Are You?

Online quizzes have been popular for years, with hundreds of thousands of different quizzes floating around the internet claiming to analyze one’s personality or appearance. However, all of those quizzes you have taken about what type of pizza you are or if your crush really likes you are just wasting your precious time. This is the only quiz you need in life; no other quiz will have you feeling more enlightened. Have you ever thought about what Italian brainrot character you are? 

Answer each question to the best of your abilities—the results of this quiz will define who you are for the rest of your life. It is unacceptable if you do not fully align with one of the answers; do not just choose an answer, fully think it through. For every question, keep track of what answer you choose. Choosing option A gives you one point, choosing option B gives you two points, choosing option C gives you three points, and choosing option D gives you four points. The results you receive should absolutely be taken with utmost seriousness, for you never know when you will need this valuable information. 

Question 1: What would you say is your biggest flaw?

1. Sometimes, I want to bash people in the head out of wanting to carry out my deepest, darkest desires borne from my deep hatred for them. It doesn’t matter if I am caught by the police—they’ll never find me anyway after how much I’ve planned waiting for the right moment. 
2. I am a terrible procrastinator. I decide to rot in my bed instead of doing that one project due tomorrow, the homework assignment that is already three days late, or the Edpuzzle with 30 open-response questions. My bed is starting to smell funny, with blotches of dark-mucus green and chocolatey brown on the sheets. Better yet, I think there may be some mold growing with a side of mushrooms for a snack. 
3. My life revolves around people, through making sure they will never forget me. People cannot forget about me, right? I always make sure to be in people’s businesses, “coincidentally” being around people when they talk about me. I may have also developed a tiny crush—just a tiny one, I most definitely think—that makes me want to kidnap someone and keep them with me forever, and ever, and ever.  
4. I believe that life is the worst thing to exist on Earth other than pineapple on pizza; but still, I wish people would stop being so happy. What is there to be happy about? Maybe I’ll show people what real fun is by causing chaos and destruction while manically laughing. 

Question 2: What would you say is your biggest strength?

1. I can think rationally, even in the worst of situations. I never feel the pressure because I bring everyone around me pressure, whether it be a speech or debate tournament, during an exam (AP exams are my favorite kind of scenario), or whether it be during harkness discussions. 
2. I am a very charismatic person. People would call me a player or whatever, but I think I am just too good for everyone. My looks and charms get me everything I want in life, even grades, the most important thing in Stuy. 
3. I am very organized. I need to have everything in order. I have never broken a daily streak in anything, whether it’s my over-five-year streak on Duolingo learning Spanish, collecting daily rewards in Genshin Impact, or even my streak in Adopt Me. I certainly don’t have any commitment issues at all.
4. I am good at avoiding things I do not like, whether it be large crowds, a presentation that I have to deliver in front of the class, or getting a blood test. Sometimes my methods of avoiding these events can be questionable, but it is always in everyone’s best interests, like bribing my teachers for a higher grade or threatening children for their candy on Halloween. 

Question 3: What motivates you the most in life?

1. Money. 
2. Outliving my ex because they don’t deserve to stand above me. 
3. Being a nuisance to people.
4. Comfort and stability, even if I have to get rid of a few people in various ways.

Question 4: Which one of the following hobbies would you most likely gain an interest in? 

1. World domination through psychological warfare. 
2. Pretending to be furniture so someone might happen to sit on me. 
3. Criticizing everything that my friends do to the point that they start to cry uncontrollably. 
4. Throwing watermelon seeds on the backyards of my neighbors with long grass. 

Question 5: Which one of the following jobs would you enjoy the most?

1. A CEO of the largest pyramid scheme in the world, but is exposed in three years after embezzling around $420,000,000 from my employees.
2. An anesthesiologist who deliberately prepares the wrong amounts of medication for patients, making sure they pass away without making it look like it was my fault. 
3. A fanfiction writer who only writes about male characters from anime and does commissions on the side for extra cash.
4. An ASMR Youtuber who is known for screaming into the microphone at 1000 decibels, causing at least 300,000 people to go deaf. 

Question 6: Which one of the following do you hate the most? 

1. People who create long explanations for the simplest of things. I do not really understand the need for long explanations, because it seems whoever is talking to me is undermining my own intelligence and calling me incompetent. Why is it that people do not think of just maybe demonstrating how to do something, which would take much less time than if they monotonously went through every step? 
2. Hanging out with people who are not social. How are you not social? Are you just a loser? You might as well admit that you do not touch grass and stay in your room all day long, not talking at all. I need someone in my life who is very outgoing and somewhat rambunctious, a person who could bring me to places around the world. 
3. Drama or gossip of any form, but only when I am not included. I do not care if you are being talked about; I would rather have my own personal enjoyment. I have to know what everyone is talking about. If someone were to spread a rumor about me, I would make it my absolute goal to find that person and silence them for good. 
4. When people have fights with each other. It pains me to see a fight where both people are clueless in what they’re doing. I want to see something more than two girls grabbing each other’s weaves and pulling them off. I want to see people fighting to the death, grabbing each other’s necks, trying to gouge their eyes out, making sure the other person screams in agony as blood drips down onto the floor. 

Question 7: You see a crying child in a park. What is your first instinct? 

1. You run to the crying child, yelling at them, saying “I’m going to give you a real reason to cry.”
2. You walk to the crying child, cradling them softly to calm them down, making sure to let everyone else in the park know how bad of a person they are.  
3. You ignore the crying child and walk far away from the park. You make sure to Fortnite emote on them before leaving with the largest grin on your face. 
4. You panic and run to the crying child to calm them down, shutting the child up by muffling them softly with a cloth. 

Question 8: What do you think is the best way to commit a murder? 

1. I think using someone for ransom is a nice idea. Even if I get what I want, which is mainly money, I would still commit the murder anyway. It’s nice to have some resistance; it makes it all the more fun for me. 
2. I think giving the police a show would be fun. I would like to create cryptic codes—difficult puzzles and rebuses showing all of my future plans. I would like to make my name known in the media, with true crime podcasts talking about me, the public fearing me, and even the FBI and CIA putting a hefty bounty on me. It does not matter if I commit one or 10 murders; playing with the police is my main goal. 
3. Not murdering someone is the best option. Why would I risk my livelihood just for five minutes of euphoria? I could never kill anyone, no matter how much I hate them. 
4. Quiet and quick is always the best way. Making sure to leave no traces of evidence, especially fingerprints, should be a top priority. Making sure to be efficient, with minimal resistance from your victim, is also something to watch out for. I am also meticulous with my methods, making sure to paint the floors black to hide the splatter of blood, burn all of my gloves, and delete every trace of my victim from the internet. 

8–13 points: 

Woah! You are Bombardino Crocodilo. You are naturally competitive, and yet you ended up with the least amount of points possible. You set high standards for yourself and usually end up accomplishing them. But, somehow, you managed to get the least amount of points possible in this, a quiz that is more important than your own life. You are ambitious and passionate, and you talk about plans to friends or family. However, you also end up creating unnecessary competition between you and others around you, all while creating impossible expectations for yourself. You probably wear Crocs as they are more comfortable and more convenient than wearing shoes and socks. However, your feet probably stink—cover them up like how you cover your bad grades. You probably enjoy eating spicy food, motivated by someone firmly stating how weak of a spice tolerance you have. 

14–19 points:

Yeah! You are Tralalero Tralala. You have a relaxed and peaceful aura no matter where you are. You are friendly and charismatic, and you help people around you calm down. But you can be easily bored with repetitive routines and seek exhilarating experiences. You also are prone to procrastination, seeing how you daydream often—even during the middle of a test. You seem like the person to flock around in the meadows and act like carrots when rolling down hills. You also seem like the person to say “oopsies” and act nonchalant when having extremely large accidents, like starting a fire in the chemistry lab or chopping one of your fingers off. Your favorite color is probably a light sky-blue. 

20-25 points: 

Yo! You are Cappuccino Assasino. You are very detail-oriented and organized. Many people may call you a perfectionist. You are very firm on sticking to rules, and you feel guilty when breaking any. You analyze past events of your life and use them to help make future decisions. However, you also worry too much about your own capabilities, having to rely on caffeinated drinks in order to keep you sane from the lack of sleep you get from those nighttime contemplating sessions. You also feel insane effects when dealing with withdrawal symptoms from not drinking coffee for even a day, like searing and pulsating headaches or dizziness. You probably have the scariest resting face, making many people afraid of talking to you. However, you are unaware of this, wondering why you are always alone when you have to form groups for projects in class. 

26–32 points: 

Yippee! You are Trippi Troppi. You can be sensitive and emotional, letting your emotions take control of you. This leads you to be somewhat of an airheaded character, being confused when you were completely zoning out. There may be times when you feel lonely or pessimistic, feeling as down as Gudetama or Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. However, others understand how trusting and compassionate you can be. You are always there to support someone in need, though you may jump to conclusions quickly, like how a frog leaps in the air. But, unlike some people, you manage to keep your thoughts to yourself, afraid of how other people perceive you. You have probably mastered the art of crying silently, composing yourself in seconds. 

This is the only quiz that you should ever take in your life. Never think about taking another test. If you think the results you received do not reflect you, maybe you should think about yourself again—you may not know yourself well enough.